And again, we're back to the same old routine... In which nobody knows exactly what he/she wants, except a promotion, in which nobody knows how he/ she plans to move ahead, how the projects for this year will work along the way, but they want new "simplification" ideas, in which nobody knows what the upper management exactly wants, but they will still shove the new "way of thinking, the new mindset, mentality..."(...aaahhh!!!...whatever, it's still CRAP!) down your throat.
I believe everybody knows that at the core of a corporation, we have the renowned pyramidal system, which in today's translation would be: a cascade of shit which is transferred from the CEO to manager to manager to manager down to the very last lousy admin. What does this explanation tells us? That the "pond" of admins will gather the whole amount of "cascaded" shit, one way or another. So either you ate a lot of shit when you were growing up so you had the luck to be born a CEO, or you will eat it when you'll get the "luck" to be hired as an admin.
Enough "shitty" words...
Let's get back to the real frustration: which is, having for a manager a shit-head(sorry, couldn't help myself!). Now, that's fun. Imagine (well, I don't really think that you have to imagine it, as everyone has experienced it one way or another) being asked for a lot of meaningless, but hard to get, reports and getting no feedback in return. Imagine being asked to act like a control freak, and literally check every step you make and not do a single mistake, but getting no recognition when you actually have no mistakes. Imagine being told that you're gonna be worked like a labor horse, and that, with the smile on the face. Imagine all that, and on top of it, imagine being asked to act and work with the best attitude, come up with the greatest ideas, accomplish a meaningful work, balance your work life (basically cover in 8 hours what is the work for 12) with your personal life, i.e., have no more personal life. How can one cope with all that? Because I imagine that not all of us come from rich families which could support us in case we'd decide to do nothing, so one must endure this day-to-day routine and stress in order to pay the rent, pay the food, the clothes and everything. But...how? Ignoring it and do a lousy job, and simply care about it only as much as it holds you in the position and not get fired, or still giving your best, and trying to actually do something and move things ahead? I guess this is a matter or personal choice and each of us makes it every day at 9 o'clock. It's not on the premise that "Today I'm gonna care and say something valuable in that meeting, but tomorrow I'm not gonna give a shit and I'm gonna watch youtube the entire day", it's either one or the other. Either one has a mindset, in which the duty is the guiding moral, or one has a "lazy-ass" mindset or the Ignore-setup, in which he/she is doing only what he/she is asked to do (or not even that) and simply doesn't care of what may come... A question that inevitably arises is: what happens when the hard-worker has to work with the lazy-ass? I'll tell you what happens: hundreds of follow-ups, analyzes which should be done, but are not, answers regarding issues being given without a pre-check, lack of interest in what is being discussed, lack of ability in making the simplest presentation and giving any kind of "earthly" replies and so on... ("earthly"= in touch with reality; instead, some of the argumentation seem to come from Mars)
Ah, the humanity!!! Or should I say: ah, the incapacity of the humanity!
Limits, self limitation versus mind exploring and trying to find that better version of you... I'm simply asking myself what will happen next. Better, worse, or...remorse? That would have a meaning only in purgatory. I feel there is no more space for remorse, or any kind of shameful feelings, here on earth. Everybody today makes a self-conducting through life motto from Al Pacino's favorite sin (see "Devil's Advocate"): Vanity...
I plead guilty also, don't worry... :P
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
No title 4
It's very hard...very hard indeed... keeping your hopes up and your faith in what you do, when everything and everybody around you says: "Fuck it! It's not worth it!". And now I can't stop of wondering: what is it worth the hard work, the lost neurons, the fatigue, the nervous breakdowns and all that "trying"? What indeed? Is it the money? Not in Romania, it's not! Is it the position? Only if you want (as I was saying in my previous post) more responsibility without benefits! Is it the pride of doing a good job? That is only if you are actually doing a good job.
But let's spend more time on this topic: who and what exactly decides whether you are doing a good job or not in a corporation? On a daily basis, that's easy: either you meet the expected results and make your customer happy, or you don't. So that, at least, it's measurable. But when you're working on a project, and when you're given a certain target, with a certain deadline, which you know it's humanly impossible to reach...what do you do then? You can either say No, refuse the project, get a "Bad Attitude" tag on your forehead, and go on for at least another year in the same position, working at the same crappy daily routine. Or...you can say Yes, and after that be a forever FRUSTRATED little slave on a plantation, who is working his/ hers ass off trying to reach that impossible target during that impossible time frame, knowing that it's well...impossible!!! And you bitch and say that nobody could reach that target, but hey, guess what? Nobody cares! The boss is not interested whether you can or not, he wants this to be done. He wants you to come up with a "out of the box idea"(GOD, HOW I HATE THIS TERM!!!) and become a baby Jesus, making miracles with that project. Obviously, if you do happen to have a great idea, which might move things around, guess who will be the owner of that idea? I need to say no more, right?
So when you will get close to your deadline, and you know that your target will not be met, how can you "fabricate" your figures so that they show what everybody wants to see? Hehehe...Now see, Shakespeare, that is the question! To be honest and show the real result of your project, and obviously get "excommunicated" for that, as it has not reached the target, or to renounce to your principles and "manufacture" the results, so that it would put you in the spotlight and advance in your so-called career?
What do you do...?
Become a little frustrated plantation slave!
Cheers!
But let's spend more time on this topic: who and what exactly decides whether you are doing a good job or not in a corporation? On a daily basis, that's easy: either you meet the expected results and make your customer happy, or you don't. So that, at least, it's measurable. But when you're working on a project, and when you're given a certain target, with a certain deadline, which you know it's humanly impossible to reach...what do you do then? You can either say No, refuse the project, get a "Bad Attitude" tag on your forehead, and go on for at least another year in the same position, working at the same crappy daily routine. Or...you can say Yes, and after that be a forever FRUSTRATED little slave on a plantation, who is working his/ hers ass off trying to reach that impossible target during that impossible time frame, knowing that it's well...impossible!!! And you bitch and say that nobody could reach that target, but hey, guess what? Nobody cares! The boss is not interested whether you can or not, he wants this to be done. He wants you to come up with a "out of the box idea"(GOD, HOW I HATE THIS TERM!!!) and become a baby Jesus, making miracles with that project. Obviously, if you do happen to have a great idea, which might move things around, guess who will be the owner of that idea? I need to say no more, right?
So when you will get close to your deadline, and you know that your target will not be met, how can you "fabricate" your figures so that they show what everybody wants to see? Hehehe...Now see, Shakespeare, that is the question! To be honest and show the real result of your project, and obviously get "excommunicated" for that, as it has not reached the target, or to renounce to your principles and "manufacture" the results, so that it would put you in the spotlight and advance in your so-called career?
What do you do...?
Become a little frustrated plantation slave!
Cheers!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
No title 3
Somehow, not even what should be a great event cannot be a real great one without something "sucky" to happen. Sunday, 16th May, night: rock night with AC/DC, a great night for Romanian rockers! The concert has really met the expectations and everybody could have stayed the whole night as long as there would have been beer and rock. At the end of the show though, as I was going on my way out of Piata Constitutiei along with the river of people, my wallet got stolen.
Of course, that's something usual in Bucharest. I could bet that everybody who moved into the big capital of Romania has had something stolen at a moment in time. But that's not the point here. I have written this down just to get to the bottom of the problem, which is: MONEY! Why was my wallet stolen? Because somebody needed the money. The beautiful, the excellent, the smelling, the rotten, the tainted MONEY! What do we need money for? In an era of consumption, we all need money firstly to live, to ensure ourselves a decent life, and after that, as means to acquire, to fulfill our wishes (a car, a book, an ice cream, each with it's own desire). The bad part is that we never stop wanting. We always want more! We always come up with more and more wishes, more desires, more needs which MUST be fulfilled. Even if we have achieved what we desired at a certain point of our lives, we will still want far beyond that last wish.
Hypothesis: X wants a house. Conclusion: X has to work hard to buy a house. Demonstration: X starts working 12 hours a day, involves himself in different projects that earn him visibility and more and more people can see how X is so devoted and works so hard for the good of the company. Of course, X is working only for himself, in order to get a raise, or to put aside some of the paycheck and to buy a damn house. And finally, after a lot of struggle and no social life anymore, X is able to convince the bank to give him a loan and yes, he buys a house. I wish I could say here Quod Erat Demonstrandum (Q.E.D.), but sadly, that's not the end of the story. No, because X will not stop here: once he has the house he wanted, X will want to make it the most beautiful house anybody ever had(= more Money), and after that, X will marry and will want a bigger house(= even more Money), and his wife will want the most beautiful house anybody ever had(= more, more, more Money), and so on and so on... So the hypothesis will multiply itself forever...
And...let's stop for a second at that moment when X is working really hard in order to get a raise or a promotion. From 9 'til 9, almost every day, working his ass off, crushing his brains in a desperate search for ideas for his project or whatever he's working on, trying to impress everybody with his devotion, dedication and hard and smart (H&S) work, X will expect to get promoted or a salary increase far sooner than he will actually get it. And when he finally will (in case he's not already fed up with the hard work, which, btw, he realizes it's in vain, and would want to change his job), the "flavor" of the received reward or recognition and the joy that it should bring will be almost bitter. Raise = due to the "economical crisis", it will be equivalent to almost NOTHING; Promotion = more responsibilities, NO MONEY, more work, NO MONEY, more headaches, NO MONEY, more extra hours, NO MONEY, more more more, NO MONEY!
Everything revolves around money and money revolve around everything...
How can we break the circle? Simply...wanting less...
Enjoy being free with less desires, less wishes, less MORE...
Of course, that's something usual in Bucharest. I could bet that everybody who moved into the big capital of Romania has had something stolen at a moment in time. But that's not the point here. I have written this down just to get to the bottom of the problem, which is: MONEY! Why was my wallet stolen? Because somebody needed the money. The beautiful, the excellent, the smelling, the rotten, the tainted MONEY! What do we need money for? In an era of consumption, we all need money firstly to live, to ensure ourselves a decent life, and after that, as means to acquire, to fulfill our wishes (a car, a book, an ice cream, each with it's own desire). The bad part is that we never stop wanting. We always want more! We always come up with more and more wishes, more desires, more needs which MUST be fulfilled. Even if we have achieved what we desired at a certain point of our lives, we will still want far beyond that last wish.
Hypothesis: X wants a house. Conclusion: X has to work hard to buy a house. Demonstration: X starts working 12 hours a day, involves himself in different projects that earn him visibility and more and more people can see how X is so devoted and works so hard for the good of the company. Of course, X is working only for himself, in order to get a raise, or to put aside some of the paycheck and to buy a damn house. And finally, after a lot of struggle and no social life anymore, X is able to convince the bank to give him a loan and yes, he buys a house. I wish I could say here Quod Erat Demonstrandum (Q.E.D.), but sadly, that's not the end of the story. No, because X will not stop here: once he has the house he wanted, X will want to make it the most beautiful house anybody ever had(= more Money), and after that, X will marry and will want a bigger house(= even more Money), and his wife will want the most beautiful house anybody ever had(= more, more, more Money), and so on and so on... So the hypothesis will multiply itself forever...
And...let's stop for a second at that moment when X is working really hard in order to get a raise or a promotion. From 9 'til 9, almost every day, working his ass off, crushing his brains in a desperate search for ideas for his project or whatever he's working on, trying to impress everybody with his devotion, dedication and hard and smart (H&S) work, X will expect to get promoted or a salary increase far sooner than he will actually get it. And when he finally will (in case he's not already fed up with the hard work, which, btw, he realizes it's in vain, and would want to change his job), the "flavor" of the received reward or recognition and the joy that it should bring will be almost bitter. Raise = due to the "economical crisis", it will be equivalent to almost NOTHING; Promotion = more responsibilities, NO MONEY, more work, NO MONEY, more headaches, NO MONEY, more extra hours, NO MONEY, more more more, NO MONEY!
Everything revolves around money and money revolve around everything...
How can we break the circle? Simply...wanting less...
Enjoy being free with less desires, less wishes, less MORE...
Saturday, May 15, 2010
No title 2
Thanks for the comment, I, very inspiring! Because I want to continue from your point of view, I can say further: when you go with that flow (which was always one of my best friends during this life so far), you become really keen of this feeling: you start to feel like a leaf in the wind, like a car driven by others, or like (as you so poetically described :P) a "floater" in the toilet sink, and yes, the worst part of it is that it doesn't even bother you anymore. Somewhere along the way, you want to fight it, and you decide suddenly (like all lazy students do when they say that "tomorrow I'm gonna start learning something for my exam") that "Tomorrow I'm gonna do something with my life. I'm gonna plan a set of action which will guide me in my desired direction. Yes! This is what I'm gonna do: I'm gonna search the net for a real job, I'm gonna make new friends, I'm gonna read more...etc etc." and you plan, and you plan, and you keep on planing. And you're almost feeling happy about this planing and these decisions and you're really looking forward for the application of them in the real life, but then, just as suddenly as before... "Shit! I gotta pay the rent tomorrow!!!" And this is how everything is thrown out on the window and blown away in the wind.
This need for financial security has swallowed up all our courageous actions, has made us refuse the fulfillment of all our long-desired dreams and instead, filled us up with fear: fear of tomorrow, fear of trying, fear of releasing all our thoughts and honesty, even fear of believing in one's principles and standing up for them. All we can do is to gather penny by penny and to hope that one day we will be able to buy one wish. And now I'm wondering what happened with that bohemian soul of each of us... It was snatched, stolen, and devoured by the one and only: SYSTEM! :)) Why am I going back again to this word, one could ask? Simple: because, as I said previously, system= society, society= people, people= every me and every you (yeah, yeah, like that Placebo song...). I hope you've got the picture: the real "character" which holds the blame is the EGO of each individual.
This way of life in which each and one of us allow our self to live in, the relationships we are creating with each other, the mountains of depression which we gather in our souls, the boredom of each usual-work-home-day, the longing for the old days in which we were in high school or at University, without responsibilities and headaches, the longing for freedom will only lead to unhappiness.
Homework: will you dare?...
This need for financial security has swallowed up all our courageous actions, has made us refuse the fulfillment of all our long-desired dreams and instead, filled us up with fear: fear of tomorrow, fear of trying, fear of releasing all our thoughts and honesty, even fear of believing in one's principles and standing up for them. All we can do is to gather penny by penny and to hope that one day we will be able to buy one wish. And now I'm wondering what happened with that bohemian soul of each of us... It was snatched, stolen, and devoured by the one and only: SYSTEM! :)) Why am I going back again to this word, one could ask? Simple: because, as I said previously, system= society, society= people, people= every me and every you (yeah, yeah, like that Placebo song...). I hope you've got the picture: the real "character" which holds the blame is the EGO of each individual.
This way of life in which each and one of us allow our self to live in, the relationships we are creating with each other, the mountains of depression which we gather in our souls, the boredom of each usual-work-home-day, the longing for the old days in which we were in high school or at University, without responsibilities and headaches, the longing for freedom will only lead to unhappiness.
Homework: will you dare?...
Thursday, May 13, 2010
No title
How un-cool is that? I am making an english blog now but with a romanian title! More than that, I used a romanian word that doesn't even exist in romanian. I feel now like a little devil (already that messenger smiley appears somewhere inside my brain) - well, at least here I allow myself to feel this way and to do things like that. And guess what will follow next: I'm NOT going to explain it! HA!
I know everybody will figure out the meaning along the way anyways (we all heard about Google Translate, right?!)...
This is a blog in which I will complain. This is a blog in which I will bitch about things. This is a blog in which I will show my resentment. This is a blog in which I will say whatever goes through my head. This is a blog which will say:"fuck you!". This is a blog in which no "nice, goody-goody" stuff will colour the lines. This is a blog in which every single individual that has ever been annoyed, stressed out, frustrated, crazy, mad, pissed off, sad, unaccomplished, wronged, mentally injured, blinded by the stupidity around him, terrified by the long hours filled with the emptiness of unmeaningfull work, numbed in his "comfy" chair, crushed under the long speeches in which one says NOTHING, and, my personal favorite, "brainwashed", will be able to find himself.
I have worked now for 2 years and 2 months in a corporation and am currently working for 1 year and 9 months in another one and in all those years I have found myself plenty of times asking myself the same question: "But, Why?", and I have never found a good answer... Asking myself "why should I do this or that?" or "why should I behave like this or like that?" or "why should I say this or that?", takes me to that good old "Why?Why?Why?"- Analysis, and this is how I end-up to the cause of all distresses: it's because of the SYSTEM!!! But then I went even deeper and deeper and thought: but who is creating this so called "System", and the answer fired back at me: PEOPLE! People like you and me, society. Have you ever noticed that if anything goes bad, we always blame it on others? It's always either "the system", or the "society", or the "aliens" that are watching us from outerspace. But it's never us! Well... I came here to complain about the fact that I am to blame! I am to blame for everything screwed up in this world! I am to blame for everything that does not suits my purposes, my goals, my desires! And I complain about the fact that I am to blame for letting myself being the carrier of the blame! :D
HA! I laugh with a mefistofelian smile within me, but even this smile is sorrow...
I know everybody will figure out the meaning along the way anyways (we all heard about Google Translate, right?!)...
This is a blog in which I will complain. This is a blog in which I will bitch about things. This is a blog in which I will show my resentment. This is a blog in which I will say whatever goes through my head. This is a blog which will say:"fuck you!". This is a blog in which no "nice, goody-goody" stuff will colour the lines. This is a blog in which every single individual that has ever been annoyed, stressed out, frustrated, crazy, mad, pissed off, sad, unaccomplished, wronged, mentally injured, blinded by the stupidity around him, terrified by the long hours filled with the emptiness of unmeaningfull work, numbed in his "comfy" chair, crushed under the long speeches in which one says NOTHING, and, my personal favorite, "brainwashed", will be able to find himself.
I have worked now for 2 years and 2 months in a corporation and am currently working for 1 year and 9 months in another one and in all those years I have found myself plenty of times asking myself the same question: "But, Why?", and I have never found a good answer... Asking myself "why should I do this or that?" or "why should I behave like this or like that?" or "why should I say this or that?", takes me to that good old "Why?Why?Why?"- Analysis, and this is how I end-up to the cause of all distresses: it's because of the SYSTEM!!! But then I went even deeper and deeper and thought: but who is creating this so called "System", and the answer fired back at me: PEOPLE! People like you and me, society. Have you ever noticed that if anything goes bad, we always blame it on others? It's always either "the system", or the "society", or the "aliens" that are watching us from outerspace. But it's never us! Well... I came here to complain about the fact that I am to blame! I am to blame for everything screwed up in this world! I am to blame for everything that does not suits my purposes, my goals, my desires! And I complain about the fact that I am to blame for letting myself being the carrier of the blame! :D
HA! I laugh with a mefistofelian smile within me, but even this smile is sorrow...
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